How do you deal with a narcissist?
Dealing with a Narcissist Here is some advice:
- Being married to one, I find that the only way to deal with him is to make everything about him. If I want something for example, instead of saying "Honey I would really like this. May I get it?" I would approach him like this, "I think getting this would benefit you in ...." I would then pitch it to him as to what he would get out of it. I have gotten him to the point of my being able to buy any clothing or makeup I want because of how my appearance will reflect on him. This is only one example, but you just learn how to make your desires seem like they will benefit him. This is a hard way to live, but it is better than never getting what you want. If you choose to stay with him, this is the only way to get your needs, and especially your desires, met.
- The best way to deal with a narcissist is to recognize your own narcissistic tendencies. When your own feeling of self-worth is dependant on what others think or feel about you, you are vulnerable to the narcissist's trap. He will make you feel so special for deserving his attention. Recognize your true value as an individual. Realize that no one can give you what you already have, your self! Get lots of support from friends and/or a good counsellor. Be strong and don't take any abuse. If the narcissist in your life is mean to you, be honest with yourself about that. Stop making excuses for him. It's better to be alone than to be trapped in someone else's delusions of grandeur. Yes, he will find some other weak person to feed his insatiable appetite for recognition, admiration and approval. Yes, it is painful to realize that that is all you ever were to him. But at least you can free yourself and your energies can go to self-healing and REAL relationships. Real relationships involve a balance of give and take. Real relationships are open to community. In real adult relationships, people are able to speak openly about all their feelings and give each other comfort. If the narcissist in your life is unable or unwilling to recognize that he has a real problem and needs help, get out!
- My husband admits he's "a little narcissistic." He can be very controlling at times, and very concerned with appearances(especially physical). I've found two ways that usually work with dealing with his temper tantrums. I listen quietly while he gets on his soapbox, then later when he has cooled down, I will talk with him calmly about what I agree/disagree with. The second way is standing firm, particularly when it's something I feel very strongly about. He may get upset, but he always thinks about it.
- Get as far away from them as you can. Hardcore narcissists are impossible to deal with.
- I say try to go far, far away from a narcissist. They bring bring nothing but bad news and bad karma into whatever lives they touch. Be strong, stand tall, and run as fast as you can.
- Try to have a safe haven, a place to avoid the abuse, and maintain control of your own person and your own life. Don't let the person drive you down with their unrealistic fantasies and how you need to adjust to make them happy. Make yourself happy and be happy with you, you don't owe someone a life or to make someone else happy. If there are no children involved, then get out of Dodge while you still can.
- There is no dealing with a narcissist. I worked with one for two years and finally had to leave the department I worked in.
- You cannot deal with them because they do not compromise. The best idea is to run the other direction.
- If you're near them, you're the mirror if you give them the slightest attention to reflect back an image they have just created of themselves. Don't reflect back the image they have created. You can do this by ignoring them and not giving them attention.
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I would have to say that the competition for attention, the all-consuming jealousy, the societal expectation for them to act somehow compassionate or loving when they are incapable of this and their general distaste for any demonstration of human frailty or imperfections (which sickness represents for them) would send them packing quickly, if not physically, certainly emotionally. I think I would prefer for the narcissist to take a hike than hang around and rage for attention while I was trying to recover. Count your blessings. My narcissist left me five days after I had broken my ankle, and I was in a wheelchair ... after 11 years together. They have no empathy, none. My advice is to run and don't look back. (If you can run on a broken ankle.) The spouse's illness is an effrontery to the narcissist's delusions of omnipotence, invulnerability, and perfection. She is rendered imperfect, a drag on his resources, a weakling. Narcissists hate the weak, the old, the young, the sick, the emotional - because they remind them of their own suppressed emotions. The narcissist - always above commonality and the law - resents society's expectations of him. He does not understand why he has to waste his precious time on damaged goods. The sick spouse becomes a source of negative narcissistic supply, a silent condemnation of the narcissist, a pointed (and sore) finger, an embarrassment, and a stark reminder of the grandiosity gap - the abyss between reality and the narcissist's fantasies. The N I was unfortunate to be with severed all contact with me after I was admitted to hospital with a life-threatening condition. During my period in hospital he was caught by the police drink-driving at excessive speeds twice on the same day. He used my hospital addmission as his defence in court saying he was distressed about my contition.
Answer . I feel badly for you! Narcissists are difficult to work with and they feel their way is the best way and seldom take the advice from others as I'm sure you have found out by now. They (in their own mind) stand on a white tower above all others and in their own minds think they are much more intelligent and "put up with the rest of us." The only way you can beat this business partner is to gauge the important things you need to have done in your business and be one step ahead. Re-read the contract between the both of you and see what decisions you can make without your business partner. Hope you left a few loop holes in that contract. If this doesn't work and is too stressful on you it's best to try to get out of the contract with this partner. You can also sell out half the business if it's profitable for you to do so. Narcissists take such a great deal of energy away from people, so really think about this and if it's worth you remaining with this business partner.. Good luck Marcy. Lessons From My Personal Experience... . It depends on what you mean by "deal with". What do you want to happen? He/she leaves the partnership and business? He/she continues to work in the partnership? You leave the partnership?. What is the current state of your relationship with your business partner?. If there is no open hostility between you (ie everything is "good") then consider:. Actively manage his/her ego to stay under their radar and buy yourself peace and time to think, plan and mitigate their damage to the business. . Seriously plan for the end of the relationship. It will end. One day, it is inevitable that you will disagree on several things in a row - and that will spark the end. Life is too short to work with a narcissist. My ex-business partner nearly drove me to suicide. Several years after leaving him, I am still recovering from the damage to my self belief, esteem and confidence. . Review all your contractual agreements, client and supplier relationships. What are the areas of movement available to you? . Start building relationships with all your clients and suppliers so he/she is not the only person they are connecting with. This can minimise the manipulation and any misrepresentation. It can even identify bad/illegal practices. My ex-business partner was sexually harassing a client's staff member, and I did not find out until after I left him. . Narcissists can delude themselves into believing some action is legal when it isn't. My ex-business partner once tried to give clients kick-back payments in order to secure large contracts. He thought it was perfectly legal. . Make sure you have the power of veto on critical decisions. Exercising this of course, will cause him/her to explode and the relationship to rapidly deteriorate. They see all disagreement as personal attacks. My ex-business partner wanted to spend all our profits on large billboard ads and complex information systems because they appealed to his ego, not because they were relevant to the business. . Make sure your profit sharing agreement is water tight AND you are receiving regular payment. If/when the relationship breaks up, you may get nothing, even if you have an agreement in place. My ex-business partner not only did not pay me a cent (despite an agreement), but went further to construct all manner of petty reasons why I was lucky he was not demanding I pay him to leave the business! . Make sure you physically have in your possession what is rightfully yours. Including payments, salary, reimbursements, and property (intellectual and physical). Possession is 9/10th the law - use it. If/when the relationship breaks up, and he/she finds themselves in charge of property that is yours, they will be able to justify not returning those property to you. . If the business produces intellectual property, make sure you have your name as the author on things you have created. The first thing a narcissist will do will be to claim ownership AND authorship on everything. This happened to me. My ex-business partner suddenly became the sole author of everything I produced. . Make sure your responsibilities to the business are clearly defined on paper, and are evenly divided and acknowledged in payment etc. When I left my business partner, he point-blank refused to acknowledge any of the extra work I put in to the businesses. . Use a qualified therapist who knows about narcissism. This may or may not improve the relationship. But it will give you a knowledgeable third party to fall back on should you need to provide evidence of bullying or how his/her narcissism has damaged the business to shareholders. . Using loads of ego strokes and praises, you may be able to cajole him/her into a graceful and calm exit of the business. I know of at least one company who went as far as setting up a completely separate company so as to move a narcissistic partner into. Once he is ensconced in the new company (because he was such a brilliant strategist etc etc etc), and when he has happily handed across all the existing client accounts, the parent company then quietly cut all contact with the new company and left it to its own devices. Needless to say, the new company soon collapsed through sheer incompetence. . If you are in open conflict with him/her, this makes the situation much harder. This was the situation I found myself in. By the time I realised I was stuck with a narcissist, he had done me so much psychological damage I could no longer think clearly.. What is your current emotional state/health?. Are you feeling strong and confident? Or are you feeling devastated and depressed? If you did not pick up on his/her narcissism soon enough, he/she may already have done some damage to your confidence.. Remember that narcissists are very good at transferring all blame to you, undermining your self belief and self confidence, and making sure that you take full responsibility for everything bad.. If you are still strong and confident, it makes taking steps to deal with him/her easier.. If you have taken significant psychological damage, I would strongly suggest you get out of the relationship ASAP to protect yourself. At the end of the day, nothing is worth being the continual victim of a narcissist.. How to leave (or what I would do if I had my time again):. If you are in control of the finances, pay out all salaries, reimbursements and entitlements ASAP. Don't do anything illegal of course. Left undone, the narcissist could delay everything as a power-play, or maybe left everything undone because work is usually beneath them. . Tell all your clients. File all the requisite paperwork with your regulatory agencies. Don't wait. He/she won't do it. Denial is something they do very well. As soon as I left, my ex-business partner disappeared overseas for a long holiday. He told no one. Not even clients. A year after I left, I still had government agencies chasing me for paperwork and payments! . Take everything that belongs to you home. Now. Don't leave anything you are not prepared to lose in the office, or in locations he/she could get to. Take computer files as well (but treat these ethically of course). . Do a proper handover to him/her. At least one of you can do things properly and in a mature fashion. But don't expect him/her to read or follow your instructions. . Cut off phone or face to face contact. Use emails only. I found it far less stressful. You do not want to put up with someone screaming at your, or calling you demeaning names in public or on the phone. . Get an ethical accountant and lawyer. My ex-business partner tried to get our accountant and IT provider to do unethical and illegal things post my departure. He tried to get my shares signed over to him, and copies of my emails without my consent! A narcissist is ALWAYS right in his own mind. And when he is right, he is also acting perfectly legally. . Document all emails and phone conversations. Keep a time-stamped diary of everything he/she says and does. If you choose to sue him/her, or if the regulatory agency comes down on something he/she has done, you need to be able to produce evidence to protect yourself. . Get a good therapist. Seriously. It is one way to take care of yourself. Don't expect a narcissist to give you closure on the matter. The matter may remain unsettled for years because they will only act when they are ready. And in the meantime they will continue to project blame and responsibility on you, and play they self grandising, self righteous games. . Know when to cut and run. Sure you may lose some money. But you do not want a matter to remain unresolved for years. My supposedly simple exit (according to our reasonable and ethical accountant) was supposed to take 2 weeks. He managed to drag it on for almost 2 years by constantly changing his demands and ignoring communications. And this was after I had left him with a profitable viable company! He was acting as if I owed him. Such is the mental state of a narcissist. . Don't expect him/her to understand or see or care about your point of view. They are incapable of doing so. It is a mental defect. They are also amoral, so there is no point in expecting them to act morally. . Don't expect any thanks or acknowledgment. They are the true genius begin the business and they did all the hard work. You should be lucky they let you help a little! . I lost a lot in that business. It was my dream business. It worked. But the partnership did not. It was defective because he was a narcissist.. He got everything in the business. And within 6 months, decided to shut it down. Supposedly he had always intended to do this. Go figure.. A narcissist does not operate rationally. They are totally self-obsessed. They don't care for anyone or anything else. Don't expect them to behave like normal people because they are not.. I hope sharing this experience can help someone out there. I really do.
Is this elderly person really narcissistic or are they suffering from Dementia or Alzheimers. My bet is on the last two. These are the symptoms: ParanoiaAccusing others of stealing or doing things they are notArguementativeCryingRagesMemory loss Regaining memory for short periods of timeStriking out at the caregiver (kicking, slapping)Abusive languageAlienating themselves from family and friends These are only a few of symptoms. I went through this with my own mother and took it personally for awhile. Then I realized through the doctor after she had an MRI scan done on her that she was indeed suffering from Dementia. They put her on a drug called "Resperidol" and she was almost her old self. Unfortunately, this drug is not a cure, but does slow down the retardation of Dementia and Alzheimers. I do sympathize with you, but please, if you can, have this person evaluated by their family doctor before making judgment calls against them. Good luckMarcy Answer There is no dementia present in my father. He is a classic narssist. At the ripe age of 93 he only becomes more vile each and every day. I despise him for abusing my Mother, myself and sexually abusing both my children. My father so severly damaged my son that he lives on disability after graduating with a masters degree. As my Mother lay dying in her hospital bed, he came to visit her once, I refused to bring him, she had suffered enough. One thing my Mother despised was to have her feet touched and the first thing he did was tickle her feet. After her death and during the funeral arrangements we had agreed on mid-grade funeral. My brother had ben buried in a copper tone casket, I found it more than appropriate to bury mother in the same kind of casket. My father was all for it, later that night I overheard him speaking to another family member that he had wanted her buried in a white casket. Liar, and classic N signature. I always bought my Mothers' clothes and chose what I wanted her buried in and that turned into another war. What does a 93 year old man know about fashion and how a woman should be buried and presented at death? She wore a beautiful Calvin Klein suit, which I knew she loved. So, now I am stuck with father all the time, leaving my own home and husband. My father and I constantly fight and I feel so guilty, but I know that is all part of his game. He will not take his heart meds, he must have them delivered like Mother used to do. I will not. He complains about his menu, because it is not like Mothers. On and On he goes about everyhting, until I explode. My son was a huge help to me at first, but then father smarted off to him about leaving a faucet dripping. The faucet has been dripping for 12 years. My son, is very verbal and really ripped into him and I thought he might even try to kill him because he had picked up a knife. This is the posistion a N puts you in after years of abuse. My son not only suffers from his grandfathers abuse, but the trauma of knowing he physically beat myself and Mother. After that incident my son had to be hospitilized for four weeks. My whole family has suffered so much due to this horrid man. Selfish,arrogant, and so much more he was, but to everyone else we were the perfect family. I keep his secrets no more and finally expose him for what he is-NOTHING.
If the "patient" is genuinely a narcissist, you can bet your life that he made others gravely ill, or worse, in his lifetime. I know a narcissist who brags about the women in whom he created permanent psychological, emotional and/or physical disabilities. If the narcissist/patient is terminal - rejoice. Your own misery will soon be over. --------------- I absolutely agree with most of what has been said here. There are two articles available on this topic that I'm aware of: The Terminal Illness and Death of a Narcissistic Personality Disordered Mother by Gail Meyers The Dangers of Expecting a Deathbed Apology from Your Terminally Ill Narcissistic Personality Disordered Mother by Gail Meyers both at http://echorecovery.blogspot.com
\n. \n Answer \n. \n. \nI doubt narcissism has anything to do with this. If a person drinks a lot or is an alcoholic they can be extremely abusive and even physically harmful towards their family and friends and often are arrogant and cruel. \n. \nThere is nothing you can do to stop him from drinking. He has to want to stop drinking. Many people go through traumas in life or just plain unhappy in life and even depressed and never know it. The next thing they know they may resort to alcohol or drugs thinking this will make them feel better. Not many men will go for psychiatric counseling because they either find it's a weakness or they truly believe it's always someone else's fault and never their own.\n. \nThe only chance you have is to make a plan and to stick with it. If you have children then you owe your children a safe and healthy environment. Even if you don't have children you owe yourself the same thing. \n. \nHere is a plan (if you so choose to decide to use it)\n. \nSee a lawyer (or go to Legal Aid if you are low on funds) and ask for help and what your rights are. If your husband is extremely violent and you decide to put a Restraint Order or a Cease and Desist Order against him you can ask for police protection while he is being served. The police will actually escort him out of the house and if he makes a fuss he will be cuffed and taken into custody. As painful as this is for you, this is not giving up on your marriage, but a short-cut (hopefully) for your husband to realize you have had enough and he stands a big chance of losing you and any children you may have. It may be a big enough shock for him to seek out help at AAA or he could go downhill from there. The choice is entirely up to him. \n. \nI also suggest you join Alinon(?) where partners of alcoholics can go and talk things out and learn more about why their husband/wife chooses alcohol over them and their children. It's a great place to go and you won't feel so lonely during this painful process.\n. \nGood luck\nMarcy\n. \n Answer \n. \nLike Marcy said, begin by dealing with the part that you have control over - yourself. Please go to an Alanon meeting today. Narcissim, by the way, is very hard to change, if that's what your husband really is. Good luck!\n. \n ANSWER \n. \nThey are likely separate issues. If he won't deal with his drinking, you'll have to make major changes if you want a life worth living. (probably also true to the N'ism). The agencies suggested in earlier answers are good, so is a therapist you go to alone. If children are involved, it is very important that you deal with this. If he's also an N, he will likely NEVER admit he's got a problem of any kind, and that includes drinking too much. Get straight with yourself, look the problem(s) in the eye, get the help you need, and take action. Don't wait for him. You are worth more than this. Take care of yourself--sooner the better. Good luck and peace to you. \nGeorgette\n. \n. \nAnswer--\n. \nThe alcohol issue is just the tip of the iceberg, especially if it is with narcissistic behavior. Sometimes alcoholics or alcohol abusers find after getting away from alcohol, that deep down, something psychologically is not right and needs to be fixed. Whatever is bothering them has been covered up for so long or has been internally denied and the result is a pathological behavior.\n. \nNarcissists lack internal controls and sometimes turn to alcohol, drugs and adrenalin rushes and any dramatic behavior they can create for stimulus. Although they like to be controllers, they exist in a cycle of behavior that ranges from depression to manic elation. \n. \nAnd I agree with the above posters. Once again, you can't change people. They must want to change for themselves. As in narcissism and alcoholism, it will take an N or alcoholic hitting bottom after a major catastrophic event or situation to even consider changing or stopping alcohol and drugs. You must protect yourself and your children and attending Al-Anon is a good way to learn more about improving your life and managing your husbands' various sicknesses while not compromising your mental and physical health. \n. \nI wish I had the time to attend Al-Anon...I do attend AA, and many women in my groups attend Al-Anon not only for themselves, but to learn about how to deal with others. Since attending AA, I have learned so much about what is bothering me, and learned to deal better with others. AA is a spiritual program, I am not sure about Al-Anon, but I would think it would be based on principles of the Twelve Steps. In the meantime, don't be afraid to be pro-active about protecting yourself. You never know, you may be able to save your marriage and do well for your husband by learning more about yourself.\n. \nMy best to you and God Bless!\nmbme
If possible, cut this person out of your life completely. These people can only cause heartache in you life. They are very manipulative and sneaky and bring chaos into any relationship they're in. They just don't care about anyone but themselves. If you can't completely cut this person out of your life, try to keep a distance. Do no share any of your personal business with them. Make it a point to avoid them as much as possible. Please take this information seriously. I've been through this situation and I am still learning to deal with the damage and anger and have been working with a therapist.
Hold your ground when Necessary, but avoid completely if/when possible My first-hand experience: I have to say ignoring her if you can, but when you live with the person it is very difficult My husband went to Iraq for a year so i was forced to move home with my parents and younger sister again, due to medical as well as financial reasons. Let me tell you this year has been hell for my parents and myself. My younger sister is a narcissist as well as a slob and everything that goes along with it. she leaves her used tampons/pads unwrapped on the sink next to the toilet (and i have to share that bathroom with her : / ), and her room is a mound of dirty clothes, you can not see her floor nor her shelves b/c of the mess...there is an example of how dirty she is. she is a very two-faced person. one second she is nice the next second she is calling my mom a stupid b!tch, my dad a heartless a$$hole, and myself a heartless b!tch and telling me i am worthless and to go to he!!. also i find she likes to use the line to me "just because your married doesn't make you an adult so stop acting like one" in a snide tone of voice. she takes great joy in pleasure in acting as though she is superior to everyone in the family, but me especially. she is a ridiculous person and she will snap at you if you tell her nicely to put her tampon in the garbage. oh, she is also a compulsive lier to top it off. there is no reasoning with her what so ever. she does not see truth, she turns everything you say into something to make you sound like your inferior to her. i struggle with ignoring her because one, i have to live with the nut job, and two i do not put up with her when she says such hurtful things to my parents so in turn i get turned into the bad guy. My best advice for people who have to live with a narcissist is to: not scream and yell because they take advantage of that, keep your voice calm and firm when confronting the selfish person as well as directing the conversation to them and saying "this is about you, not me" An argument will go two ways: A.) they accept the sentence this is about them and not about yourself and chose to humor you and talk/argue it through B.) they deflect and make it your problem because narcissists do not like to accepting any responsibility for whatever is happening. just remember that most arguments with the narcissistic person will not end in an agreement, or if it does it is short lived because they always revert back to their self absorbed selves. also do not scream or yell at them, keep your voice calm and firm, otherwise that will ALWAYS be used against you and call you a child. that and no one listens or takes a person seriously if they cant control their temper. One last thing; do not communicate with them by phone via text, or email or facebook because we all know how they always have the last word and like to post every angry/depressing thought on the web for the world to see. Answer The only thing that will bring you any peace is ignoring her. I know! I just wanted to add what was said before. RUN!! But it's not easy in a large family. There have been years and years of pain before I realized what the deal was. I wouldn't wish a narcissistic sibling or parent or spouse on anyone. If I would have gone to therapy 20 years ago when I was half crazy; it wouldn't have taken half a century to finally get that V8. Knowing what she is now has given me so much peace; at least to know that I wasn't 'crazy, inferior, not loved as much' whatever. Now we are trying to protect the next generation; because the child is just like the mom; and has already created havoc. But is the child a pawn of the mom? sometimes I think. which is really sad. My Mother too; and father have been victimized by this sister; so that they have believed a lot of untruths throughout our lives about others in the family; and have treated them differently because of it. The outrageous lies to cover things they have said; the contradictions; the absolute MEANNESS! Run! Stay completely away from her and don't tell her anything about yourself or what's going on in your life. She can be as sweet as honey and it's usually to find out anything that she can about you. When she does she will just turn anything she finds out around to her advantage to hurt you. My N sister will even use my poor 76 year old mother(she's her supplier of anyone this N sister wants to hurt) to come to my home to find out anything that she can about me. She will make up the most ridiculous untruths about me. Not knowing what's going on in your life almost kills the N people. I have to be very careful of what I say about anything to do with my life so it doesn't get back to her and can't be used to turn others againist me or to hurt me. I know because I've been through this crap all of my life. I finally had to stop any contact with my family because of this sick sister.
Answer . I was with a narcissist for two years. He went straight into another relationship which completely devasted me. I went crazy and told him what I thought of him, and that I knew he was using this woman like he had me. He accused me of stalking him, but I knew he was getting pleasure from the attention. At Christmas I tried to contact him, and make amends and he won't answer me, nothing just ignoring me. Am I the first woman to have gotten rid of a narcissist??. Answer . True NPD personality types tend to be pathologic liars. They will say/do anything to manipulate others for their own benefit. They lack any type of conscience regarding others. Narcissists need to control/use others and view other people as puppets/tools that contrubute to the narcissists "supply".. You can deal with someone that has a NPD anytime you want. What you have to understand is that they only can empathize relative to what may directly affect their own lives. If a lie hurts you or another but benefits them and they can deny or lie about having lied then they will lie in a heartbeat. People with NPD are natural con artists. In many cases they have normal jobs and can mimic normal behavior realtively well. They are masters of facade and will use and manipulate others in amazing ways. They can be charming and even talented in some areas but have deep issues with esteem that manifests itself in many ways.. True NPD people will mix lies with truth to make themselves look better, or to cocktail their personalities to lure others into trusting them. NPD's have been honing their skills since they were young children and any normal person with a conscience is at a disadvantage. NPD's have a very simple perception that "you don't know the difference." A person who with an NPD justifies the usage of another. It is ultimately the victims own fault for believing the narcissist's lies. The narcissist will always tell you exactly what is needed to get what they want from you. They will deny, cry and ultimately become furious when confronted with their lies no matter how blatent. Dealing with the NPD is dealing with a child that lacks both empathy or a sense of conscience with regards to others.
\n. \n Answer \n. \n. \nDISTANCE YOURSELF!!! Don't take the abuse!\n. \n . I have FINALLY been enlightened as to what I've been dealing with all these years. Wow! There is a GOD! I'm an adult child of a narcisstic father, and I had to gain "Radical Acceptance" of his illness and the fact that he can't change or control himself. It's so sad really. I've decided that I absolutely have to set bounderies in this relationship, if I don't, he'll run me over and I'll be upset AGAIN that I didn't stand up for myself and my family. Distance from this toxic and harmful relationship is necessary to keep your self-esteem and worthiness intact. If these are already in tact and unshakable, then when your dealing with him you can respond with "I understand what your saying," "I have different feelings about that," etc.. Use I messages so that he doesn't feel threatened. Just keep telling yourself that he's ill. How would you treat a sick person? Best Of Luck to you
\n. \n Dying Narcissist \n. \nJust be there for them.\n. \n . There goes that word again "Narcissist" and it's often unfair to label some people in this way. A person can be egotistical, a perfectionist or a plain pain in the neck, but it doesn't make them a Narcissist.\n . \nHaving a problem such as this just put yourself in this person's shoes. How would you feel knowing you are dying? It's terrifying to some and to others it's a blessing. No one in their right mind would be in a good mood over wondering when they are going to die, how much pain they will endure and they always have some hope way in the back of their mind that some miracle cure could come at anytime. Also, many people dying from different diseases really can't believe they are going to die.\n. \nAs the other poster said, just be there for this person. It's going to be a long and hard road for you, but remember, you have a life ahead of you and this person doesn't.
Often the most friends and family members can do when dealing with a narcissistic personality is to establish very firm personal boundaries, with clear limits regarding each individual's rights to make one's own decisions and to define one's own person. Encouraging the narcissist to take full advantage of professional counsel (described as support rather than "help") is always important.
With love and respect. She has cancer. You need to get past everything else. I doubt your mother is narcassistic, but fighting for her life, or she has been preparing herself for her death. If she is cranky, teary-eyed, hard on you (the caregiver) then it's all quite normal. My own mother suffered from Dementia (early signs of Alzheimer's) and she was very hard on me. I was accuse from everything from fooling around with her insulin to stalking her. Of course this was not true, and as hurt as I was I simply would agree with her and basically "take the beating of verbal abuse." They can't help it and I dealt with this behavior from her as realizing my mother was simply a shadow of her former self and had absolutely no control over her Dementia. This isn't about you, but her. Look at your mother as a woman first and not just your mother. You've been together for a long time (good or bad) so finish off the journey with dignity and if not love (from past hurts) respect and help your mother die in peace by being there. God Bless I'm not going to go out and say that your mother isn't narcissistic. She very well may be. I'm not sure what your life has been like - how old you are, what she's put you through, what you've put her through... and so on. There isn't really a great and clear answer to this question in specific , but the most I can tell you - that anyone can - is to hold your tongue when she goes on the "world for me, I deserve all" kick, to do whatever you can to help her be comfortable. There's really not much else you can do. You're not going to change her this late in the game, I'm betting, and she's just going to be her. That's it. Don't go overboard and melt yourself on some fire of martyrdom just to appease her but don't blow up in her face, either. Keep in mind it's your mother - you'll miss her when she's gone. .........Obligatory self-plug: my mother, who was physically and verbally abusive, bi polar and skitzo [literally] recently died of cancer... and it matters, very much, now that she's gone..... There are things you can't foresee feeling, at times - as abstract as that is, try to keep it in mind. Even though she's narcissistic, she is a person who tried to raise you. No matter what f-ed up things she may have done - or things she didn't do that you needed - she embodies this idea, this "not being alone" in the world, that's hard to comprehend when she's sitting right in front of you, being the wacky person I'm sure she can be, judging from the fact that you felt strongly enough to post this question. Think about what she means to you, and if she died, what would that do to you? Do you have hope for her? Do you want a normal mother? Do you feel like her sickness makes you afraid for that, for the potential loss of it? Thinking about these things can help you appreciate her in all her quirks now, before you can't look at her and tell you that you love her and truly mean it - and be able to see her smile, or at least know in your heart that you've done the right thing. TIPS TO GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK: . Contact the Cancer Assoc., because there is help for some assistance in caring for your mother. This will give you a break and let you get out once in awhile and away from the stress. . Hire a private nurse to come in every other day or even twice a week if you can afford it. If not, ask for help from another family member or a good friend. It's important that you take all the help you can get from the Cancer Assoc. Stress isn't good for you and don't feel guilty about having 'time off' and getting out with friends and enjoying yourself. If you don't look after yourself then you can't help your mother. Your mother could well be a narcissist, but, my bet is she is terrified and treatment for cancer can be hard on a patient. Be firm with your mother every so often if you feel she is being too hard on you. She relies on you more than you know and she won't press too hard for fear you'll walk away. Don't bully her, just be firm and let her know you have your limitations. If possible try getting her out into the land of the living even if you have to put her in a wheel chair. God Bless
Answer . \nThe involved party presents evidence to prove or refute the claim being made.\n. \nPlaintiffs and defendants do not "deal" with each other, that is an issue for legal counsel and the judge.\n. \nIf the parties are representing themselves (Pro Se), they communicate with the judge not each other.
If you are living or married to one then leave. If it's a person in your family cast them out of your life. If it's a sibling they aren't worth the energy and frustration. Narcissists are great chameleons and can turn on the charm (some more than others) and it's difficult for others around you to realize this person isn't so nice after all, and then you may have some extremely narrow-minded people believe you actually deserve thistreatment. When I hear of such things I always know there are two sides to every story and I don't label someone. If I care about the person and a window of opportunity opens I'll say something in hopes they will discuss it and at least have someone to talk too that isn't judging them. Narcissists will NEVER go for counseling for their problem because their ego is so big that everyone around them is wrong and they are always right. Narcissists are perfectionists, controllers, egotistical and sometimes can become physically abusive if they don't get their own way. Most are happy enough to play mind games, are controlling and just make their partner feel miserable 99% of the time. You have a choice. Live with it, tell it off or run from it! Good luck === I had this problem at work. Th N was telling a co-worker lies about me that i said things about her (which i didnt) and basically had her hating my guts. I did express my opinions about him in a vauge way and she wouldn't believe me .. at first. He gave me the silent treatment (for some percieved rejection) and spent HOURS in her office gossiping and talking and presumably saying lies about me. I wanted to confront her so bad, and explain what a liar he was but decided to wait it out and let her see for heself. This coworker is an intelligent, perceptive christian woman and I knew she would come to realize his true nature and despise this vampire. Sure enough she did. Now NO ONE at work trusts him and i have befriended this same co-worker that he once tried to turn against me. We compare notes and have armed ourselves to protect agains the N's games. Turns out she is very educated about all kinds of personality disorders. Her mother is a pshycologist. She herself reads others foibles and deceptions with startling accuracy. I have had experience with another N years ago and studied the subject at length. We educate one anohter and learn alot how to deal with this situation. Although we each choose to deal with it in different ways. She acts professional, polite and friendly as if nothing is amiss. I just ignore him completely as if he doesnt exist. Though it maks him uneasy we are getting along now. He hasn't a clue we know all about him and what makes him tick. It should get interesting. Another new girl that is part of N's clique starts work with us very soon. She is apparently a "friend" who he says the most vapid things about behind her back. We have deceided to lie low and let her see for herself what he is like. Wait and see if she says something to the effect he stabbed her in the back (and he will) then we are there for her when she needs us. So take heart. Things might seem hopeless. But chances are those that belive him now won't for long. They will figure him out and since you and they are human may just be your friend someday. Others see the truth eventually and will be on your side. SUpport one anohter. There is strength in numbers. Meanwhile just lay low and have faith that the truth will come out. before your very eyes. Answer In my experience, for some reason we blame the victim for letting abuse happen to them.It is just one of those things that people don't want to confront. At work, avoid discussing personalities and comparing notes, and most of all talking with him about each other. Believe me, this can quickly turn against you and ruin your work environment. Offer encouragement to the new worker if he makes her life miserable, but say nothing otherwise.
\n. \n Answer \n. \nEach individual is different so yes, if he was threatening you verbally or physically abusive or made you do things that you hated doing. Our minds cope with horrific things in order to protect us from going "over the edge." For some the survival instinct comes out immediately, while it takes some other individuals time to find their survival instinct, but you can bet they will. \n. \nAfter living in an extremely bad environment and the person has belittled you for months or years it's best to get counseling. You are stronger than you think!\n. \n Answer \nI had nightmares for awhile. I kept waking up in the middle of the night swearing I heard my ex prowling around my house or screaming my name from out in the street. I would feel his prescence like some wierd ghost or something, especially when I was doing something (innocent of course) that he wouldn't like. I was real jumpy when people around me would yell or argue. Don't know if this was even a mild form of PTSD, but I totally believe it could happen.\n. \n Answer \n. \nOne of the best movies I saw with a very coy, high-end and intelligent abusive man was "Sleeping With The Enemy" with Julia Roberts. It's on DVD and a good movie to watch. I understand what the last poster is saying and that's exactly how she felt. If you haven't seen this movie then please do. It has a happy ending!
Answer . It is to your best interest to start communicating with your girlfriend or wife and don't nail her right away about the way she treats her son. Before she met you she probably had to raise that child on her own and that's one hard road to go down. She doesn't realize that you are there to help her now. You need to make her realize this so she can lighten up on her son a little. She's worked hard at raising her son and she doesn't want him to get into trouble. There are two sides to this mother/son issue so be wary. When you get around to telling her you don't feel she is treating her son all that well (she will hit the roof so beware) try working together so both of you stick together on any discipline that may be needed to curb a growing boy.\n. \nYou could be doing much more (perhaps you have.) You could get her son involved in a sport, take him fishing, hunting, etc. That would bond the both of you together and give his mom a much need rest and some time for herself. You could also do some nice things for her such as buying her flowers once in awhile or taking her out for dinner and away from the environment she seems to be annoyed in.\n. \nBE VERY AWARE kids can play mind games by playing one parent against the other. He could well be playing you like a fine fiddle. I have 2 nephews and they lie like sidewalks at times to get what they want. I'm smart enough to talk to their mom or dad and almost 99% of the time the story I'm getting from my nephews has no resemblance to what is the actual truth.
Narcisstic Parent . This answer is based on the description that Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) being a pattern of self-centered or egotistical behavior that shows up in thinking and behavior in a lot of different situations and activities. \nThe damage that narcissistic people can cause is both to others and themselves. They are capable of neglecting,hurting,exploiting and abusing others who live with them, or work with them or in a relation with them.\nThe extent of damage will vary according to how signficant the person is (emotional dependence), financially influential on the person (tangible manipulation) and authority/legal (boss, father/mother, landlord..etc). The age of the daugher/son will also contribute to the extent of damage\n. \nBy analogy to ABCs of life support and CPR, the following are the ABCs for the wellbeing of the psyche:\n. \nAutonomy: Disentagle: become financially independent, develop cirles of warm friendship: make the mental effort of not feeling sorry for the parent, and getting entangled in a guilt trip\n. \nBreathe: find or create the space: time slots where you are not available except to yourself, an area in the house to which you resort to read, or just sit there.\n. \nConservative interaction:Stay safe: protect yourself: make the mental effort of saying NO BEFORE the boundaries have been crossed, BEFORE you find yourself giving too much and receiving nothing or little. If you are not sure if the boundaries are being crossed, it is likely they are. \n. \n. \nIf you feel the damage that you have sustained requires assistance, get self help, write your insights, read Paulo Coelho and be good to yourself in every possible way. If you are a woman, read Women who run with the wolves: it is cathartic.\n. \nIf you wish to help them, you first must be very resilient. That is a skill one needs to practice in addition to being always focused on one's wellbeing. There are many resources for resilience training. In short it is about acquiring the ability to bounce back after being hurt. It requires flexibility, letting go of grudges, practising realistic self worth activities (eg. excelling in activity, catching up on an educational activity that was left behind, drawing...etc)
How do you deal with the anger stage of healing from a narcissist if you do not want to confront him?
\n. \n Answer \n. \nProbably the best thing you've done is to rethink going directly back to the source of your anger. Nothing that you could possibly need (apology, explanation, venting) will do you any good at this point. Anger is part of the process you need to go through and it will [truly] fade over time. One thing you might do is to write a letter to him, and not send it. Either burn it ceremonially or let it go out with the tide.\n. \n Answer \n. \nAnger is an understandable emotion when dealing with an N. It also means you are on the right (& healing) track. It must be released or it can make you sick. Exercise, writing, and talking with a friend or counselor are a few healthy ways to work through it. I am only now truly feeling angry about my situation and it's been 2 years since my discoveries! That's how long I have suppressed it (not good). I am applying (to myself) the advice I just offered. Be sure to get it all out. Otherwise, it can grow toxic and not only hurt you, but those near you. Treat yourself with compassion, and give yourself full permission to get as angry as you need to. It's okay. You are a valuable and worthy soul. That anger is a good sign you have healthy self-esteem. Somewhere deep within, you know you did not deserve what happened to you. Give that emotion a voice, energy, and the freedom to express itself. Then when you are ready, take it to a higher level. Allow it to turn into a love for yourself that cannot help but overflow to everyone around you and create the current that will move you into a far more beautiful place in your life. Brighter days are ahead. Take care, AlwaysLearning
You keep reminding her that you are her child after all.Tell her that you are updated version of her!
You don't...stay FAR away! Their main objective is to get supply (admiration, attention, adoration - including blind loyalty, support, and sympathy) from people in order to feed the need to feel superior. They are deceptive liars, lacking sincerity, compassion and empathy. They will do anything to get what they want and are "extremely" toxic and destructive to themselves and others. Don't get sucked in...RUN!!!
Human nature is narcissistic. It's selfish and self-involved...both naturally and to the extreme. It's loving and caring about andfor others that's the real lesson man needs to learn in this life.This is what man needs to learn in order to live together forEternity. As for God... according to the biblical evidence, He's allottedmankind 6000 years to learn the hard-won lessons of life; both theblessings and the negatives of our sins [the breaking of the TenCommandments - I John 3:4] and all the other character-buildingeffects of life's trials and tribulations. If God is calling an individual to Know and Understand His Truth...then He will " deal " with that individualand train him up and discipline him regarding His ways: "...'My child, don't ignore it when the LORD disciplines you, anddon't be discouraged when He corrects you. For the LORD disciplinesthose He Loves, and He punishes those He accepts as His Children. "As you endure this Divine Discipline, remember that God istreating you as His own Children. Whoever heard of a child who wasnever disciplined? It God doesn't discipline you as He does all ofHis Children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not reallyHis Children after all... God's discipline is always right and goodfor us because it means we will share in His Holiness. "No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening - it is painful!But afterward there will be a quiet harvest of Right Living forthose who are trained in this way. So take a new grip with yourtired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straightpath for your feet. Then those who follow you, though they are weakand lame, will not stumble and fall but will become strong."(Heb.12:5-13 NLT New Living Translation ) But the vast majority of mankind, regarding that same allotment of6000 years... God is not " dealing " withthem -- yet. If He isn't calling them out of the world, then theyare not His Children, and He has a " hands-off " policyregarding them for now. The god of this world has blinded them toGod's Truth and Divine Discipline. Yet, the law of " cause andeffect " affects us all in one way or another. These are thenatural, automatic results of our selfishness," narcissism " or any other way we may be, or of any of thethings we do. It all results in some sort of automatic response,reaction or consequence from which we learn a lesson of some kindor other; beit a good lesson or a bad one. In other words... LIFE DEALS WITH EACH OF US. Narcissism is selfish human nature. And we all have to deal with itourselves in one way or other... sooner or later. We all have tolearn to overcome it... in Christ. That's why God has His own wayof " dealing " with His Children: "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for weknow that they are good for us - they help us to endure. Andendurance developes strength of character in us, and characterstrengthens our confident expectation of Salvation. And thisexpectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly GodLoves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill ourhearts with His Love." (Rom.5:3-5 NLT ) God " deals " with the uncaring, selfish" narcissists " He calls out of the world the same way Hedeals with all of His Children -- He reveals Himself to them byawakening the slumbering, blinded, Satan-deceived spirit withinthem... He grants them by His Grace [unmerited pardon] the abilityto " repent " of their sins... and He blots them out[forgives them] and begins to correct, train and discipline them inthe " Newness of Life ": in the Selfless, Giving, CaringRighteousness of His ways; as Christ gave us His example. "With My Authority, take this message of Repentance to all thenations, beginning in Jerusalem: 'There is forgiveness of sins forall who turn to Me.'" (Luke 24:47 NLT )
From what I have experienced they will try to find a way to make itabout themself somehow, anyway they can, or just ignore italtogether if it doesn't serve them in anyway. For instance, theywill go on and on about their own past health issue or how a pastillness or death affected them OR they will show no emotionwhatsoever, as if nothing is happening at all, mainly because it'snot happening to them. Sometimes they are really good which is confusing as they cannotlove or feel empathy. The only reasons I can think of for this is that they enjoy thereflected attention of the doctors. They fear (having the emotionalage of a six year old) of having to look after themselves,particularly if the ill person is a main carer; a husband or wife.Also they need to preserve their N supply. I have seen this happena couple of times once with an in-law and once with a acquaintance.They both did a amazing job of showing 'care'. All about themreally though, as always.
Just live your own life and don't expect anything from them...if they are aggressive passive remember is not YOU is Them.....
They treat them as is they are to serve them to wait on them for everything. they want to be admired for everthing they do. alot of emotionialy abuse. and it's always your failt.There's a book called( loving the self absorbed)by Nina W. Brown that could help you. There's just to much to write about
Avoid him altogether and have absolutely no contact with him.Change your phone number, email, consider moving if you can do so.Ignore his requests for contact; if he threatens you, notify thepolice. Put as much physical distance between him and your familyas you possibly can. If you can afford to (especially if there are children involved)discuss your situation with a trained counselor. Do not attempt toappease your ex or persuade him; by maintaining contact with him,you allow yourself to remain open to his mechanisms and beingmanipulated by him. Answer Totally ignore the narcissist. Have only contact that ismandated by the court. Do not speak with the N unless you have toand then only provide as short an answer as possible. Do not answerphone calls, e mails, US Mail, text messages. Do not talk about theN to others (he will assume that you still care if you are speakingabout him). Avoid any third party contact with the N. I cannotstress enough that you need to REMOVE any narcissistic supply thatyou provide to the N. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. NO CONTACT. Haveabsolutely no reaction to his outbursts, remarks, acts of kindnessor any other type of attempted contact he may make toward you orpersons close to you. Once you take away ALL NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY,the N will move on to find other sources and will eventually leaveyou alone. If you must have contact because of children, keep it asminimal as is possible. Do not say "hello" or "good bye." Provideyes or no answers and if possible let the N know that you havetotally moved on and are no longer even the slightest bitinterested in him or anything to do with him. If it kills you, donot engage at all with the N. When the time is appropriate, youshould tell children the truth about the N and at all costs,provide the APPROPRIATE EXAMPLE for your children to follow. Teachyour children empathy, even empathy for the N... . How do you deal with it?? You don't.. MOVE ON.. IGNORE IGNOREIGNORE. They will eventually get the message and find a new victim.Celebrate when they are gone ...... When God removes someone fromyour life -- that is for a reason -- do NOT run after them....
I have been married to an narcissist for 11 years. You have remember that they are sick. a victim, and because of the abuse that receive early in life as a child they learned to shut off there pain by blocking it out. The results ending into unable to feel emotions and to look at love as pain.. They need to always be right, don't question what they do. never try to controll them, never say a bad word about them.and yes they are girl watchers, they try to be mister stud. You have to keep in mind that this is there way to feel love that they missed. what ever you can do to make them feel superior.
The best way to deal with a narcissistic mother-in-law is to "killher with kindness." This method works on most people, by the way.Be as nice and polite as you can possibly be but don't engage hermore than you absolutely have to. Remain calm and don't feed intoher narcissism and neediness.
Is there any hope for a narcissists' grandchildren and how can the parents of the children deal with the narcissist?
There is every hope. Don't ever allow them to spend ANY time alone with the narcissist and protect them from their criticisms and reaffirm their self worth and value if the Narcissist gets to them. if things get bad, just stop taking the children. Their emotional, psychological and mental protection is paramount.
well if you have a good friend you will just know if you can trust them or not. Besides you wouldn't really be friends with them if you didnt trust them... but if you do trust a person you feel the need to tell them everything and know they wont tell anyone else behind your back
Probably, staying away from her would be the smart thing to do. If you have children together that may be difficult - if not - try the No Contact rule. If she is your ex why do you have to deal with her at all assuming that there is no children together.
Family or not - GET AWAY FROM THEM ASAP! And if that's not possible then here are some suggestions on how to avoid conflict and avoid being the victim of their behaviors: HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST: . be practical and don't take them too seriously . keep your distance and stay alert to what they are doing and saying . define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it . avoid conflict . do not try to argue or reason with them- they will not listen- your winning or your convincing argument is counter to their world view . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible (research narcissism- Mayo Clinic online is a great place to start) . give practical support and advice only when asked . do not let them take advantage of you, criticize you, tell you what you should be doing and how you should be
if he is a NPD I would avoid all contact. They are notorious bullies, rumour mongers and stalkers in the workplace. I would also start looking for a new job if i had to work along side one, eventually they make everyones lives a misery and everyone around them leaves.. In the meantime you can use flattery " wow, your so great, you do a fantasitc job", etc as they realy are ego based, then i would leave. Do not take one on head to head particulary if he is causing probems for you as he will lie, deny and project everything onto you, spreading those lies around and making your life impossible.. They are very angry people on the inside despite portraying a person of good character with charisma.. Keep away, they are snakes.
keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life . be practical about the disorder- you won't change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface . define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it . avoid conflict . do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible . give practical support when and if they ask for it
This happens a lot as narcissists choose narsissitic mates muchof the time. They deal with each other the same way they deal witheveryone else and they form a sick and twisted relationship that'sbound to have its share of pain and suffering. The kids are at riskespecially since they are cut off from any potential of having agood parent, unless the kids are taken from them. Watching 2 narcissists fight could be very interesting, evenammusing if you realized what was going on. You could bet money onwhich one would outsmart or outmanipulate the other. . A narc cannot play another narc. It's like a user can't use auser. They know who they can suck dry and who they can't.
If the person is an adult, you would be wise to avoid dealing with him/her at all. You are not responsible for their personality disorder, and attempting to ameliorate it will only lead to more problems than you have already. You can get support at this site: http://thepsychopath.freeforums.org/
Hold on to your hat!!!! And if you have children... prepare for the worst and hope for the best!!! No, just prepare for the worst... I'm living with the nightmare as we speak. We were together for 16 1/2 years and after his continued 2 year affair with a married, elementary school teacher (I know!) I had to finally get out. Since I left 8 months ago he introduced his "girlfriend" to our children only 3 weeks after I left all the while trying to seduce me back under his spell. He puts the kids in the middle by calling me psycho, and finally the devil (in front of them) because I am no longer the children's mother because I don't deserve to be their mother. All the while his "teacher" laughs and says nothing to deter him. We are in a custody battle because I feel he is unfit and incapable of being a good role model; morally or emotionally for our children. He calls the police on me - unfounded - every chance he gets. And is finally a joke amongst the police department. He will NOT communicate or speak to me regarding the children, division of property or the divorce. He has our oldest call on his behalf even though I've tried and tried to communicate to him through emails and texts. There is nothing this man will not do to try and make my life an even bigger living hell than the one I lived with him. And as long as he has a breath in him he will continue as long as he knows he can upset me. You see... I am still his narcissistic supply; he gets off on making misery in my life and for the moment, until he has his current "mark" in his web, I will continue to be the focus of his torture. BE STRONG! If you maintain your vigilant course, he will, of no choice of his own, bury himself. He thinks he's smart. Be smarter! He is losing his control of me and he does not like that. That will be his undoing... he's not as intelligent as he thinks. Educate yourself. Read about the signs.
Once you recognize that your partner has that personality disorder - If you choose to stay with him or her - you must protect yourself. Do so by reading up on the disorder - and UNDERSTAND what you are dealing with - read what the experts advise how to protect yourself. And do it. Remember that the narcissist is not going to change. YOU must understand that and change yourself - protect yourself. Remember always that your partner is not going to change. Ever. Good luck.
First, you should read up on the disorder. There are dozens of good websites sponsored by well known hospitals and other respected institutions that sponsor web pages devoted to narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. If you have a good understanding of narcissism you will have the knowledge to deal with it more constructively. Here are a few pointers: . keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life . be practical about the disorder- you won't change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface . define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it . avoid conflict . do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible . give practical support when and if they ask for it
Well since narcissist is one who is in love with themselves and ADHD people get distracted easily well the best cure for and ADHD person is for them to get more sleep so tell them they need to get more sleep or your going to put them on tons and tons of medication
First, you should read up on the disorder. There are dozens of good websites sponsored by well known hospitals and other respected institutions that sponsor web pages devoted to narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. If you have a good understanding of narcissism you will have the knowledge to deal with it more constructively. Here are a few pointers: . do not think you can change them- especially by being helpful and doing their bidding- your kindness goes into a black hole . do not allow them to treat you disrespectfully . keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life- they may use the information to cause you harm later . be practical about the disorder- you won't change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface . define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it . avoid conflict . do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible . give practical support when and if they ask for it and don't expect any more than momentary gratitude
Well, pretty much all teenagers are narcissistic, to a certain extent. Part of growing up is figuring out who you are, and that in turn requires that you spend a lot of time thinking about yourself. Also, teenagers are immature, not just physically, but emotionally, and narcissism goes hand-in-hand with immaturity. If you think that your daughter is beyond normal teenage narcissism, and may actually be a full-blown narcissist (like, in the clinical sense of the word) then the first step would be to have a psychiatrist analyze her.
By choice, it is healther and would behoove a person not to deal with the eratic mood swings of a narcissist, however, if you are forced to associate with an N, you must work very hard at maintaining your own self-esteem. Talk to yourself and tell yourself that his/her opinion should not weigh heavily on your scale for approval. Be vehement about the fact that you do not care if you meet his/her idealized standard; you know, the one that you work your tail off to aspire to be? The imaginary partner that doesn't exist? Since one obviously bought into the N's contortive web, self-esteem is an issue and should be nurtured and preserved at all costs. The first thing to remember is that they are the ones with a problem; not you. If they want to be on a "high," well that makes interacting with an N very low maintenance and doable. But, if you catch them on a day that they are pouting, because they are not the center of attention, or because you did something so miniscule for which they will throw punishment darts, then continue to have a jolly old time in their presence. Again, they are the ones with the problem, not you. I believe in "arrival." No one goes from zero to 10 overnight. One goes from 1 to 2, 2 to 3, and so on. Relationships with N's are evolving and, thus, it will take an evolving and an "arrival" to make that decision to leave them. It's hard during the phase when in your mind and heart you believe to be in love with them. As time passes, you will wake one day and be extremely repulsed by the person you chose to sleep beside. You will come to your senses and then it will be easy to leave them. If you are not married, it is in your best interest to leave your N now. You may think and feel that you will die without them, but you will be so surprised to be pleasantly relieved by the fact that you will be so much better off without them. There will be no one for which you are forced to contort; you no longer have to compromise your entire belief system; you no longer have to explain your every little move and detail to accommodate their insecurities and paranoia. You will not miss the durress associated with the anchor to the Titanic on your heart because of the pain that is constantly inflicted ... and for which you find yourself apologizing for. God did not plan for us to be treated this way. After all the complicated scenarios one could share in their experiences with an N, in the most simplest form, love is kind and it's a place that allows the essence of your person to breathe and be appreciated for your unique self.
You get far away from them, as fast as you can. And you stay away. www.vainencounters.com
If you dont have children with him apply the NO CONTACT rule. If you have to be in contact because of the children, using praising, admiration and compliments from a strong point of view, this will help u achieve the temporary outcome u desire, they are very gullable. You can get them to do anything you want by throwing nuggets of admiration.
Wow...I was wondering the same thing. I know for sure that someone I do not know "personally" is dealing with a narcissist. Yet, I would say follow your gut on this one. If you have had an experience with the narcissist that can actually enlighten the person in question, it may not hurt. It will probably save them lots of emotional energy and heartache down the line. In addition, by chance they have yet to see the signs, your advice may aid in identifying future "red flags"... No.
From birth there has always this thing within me, something that when I love something, my heart tends to amplify, it's a sensation that I sincerely hope everyone has had. It has awarded me with some of the most amazing people, had experiences that were life-altering. We have many firsts, but but I safeguard mine, it's viewed by my family as narcissistic. Y You see I am gay, the type of gay who listens to classic rock,cars, and has no idea about Lady Gaga, Madonna, and the only reason I know who Bette Middler is because she dated Tim Mathason during the filming of the most important college movie ever...Animal House. So as you can see I don't fit in most circles, I have extremely amazing friends, the kind you know. Really know. You see them for all that they are, and love them just the same. The best part is that they are seeing the same in you, and they still want to be near you. There is nothing like wasting time with you there were there times were so animated, life was happening, and not just happening, but the kind you feel, you tell yourself "it's happening," right now life, the kind that makes your heart ache. The first time you read Gatsby, really heard music, saw your first concert, when art was everything. You See I am billed a narcissist By my older Sister. You see It may sound ridiculous, but I do not comprehend jealousy. I just cant feel that suffering greed within me. Recently my father showed me letters written by her in her teen years about how much she hated me, they hurt to say the least. At one point my parents had to have a meeting discussing the content. As a gay man you learn quickly to never get got standing like a teapot, or how to check your nails, we are viewed as locusts. DoppelgÃ¤ngers, when the Truth is we choose to learn as much to pass as we can to avoid a beat down few of has the Patience for. You people bore us so we pacify you. This has made my past rather quiet. I've nothing to hide, but there may be others involved. Again I am named narcissist ho do I change this impression, or am a over-itrospected narcissist? I often feel the kindest when I avoid holidays, that if i'm said problem, I shouldn't be there. Than allI hear my family express their disappointments to my sister and cousins. In my opinion appreciation should be addressed to those who showed up. If i'm in the wrong i'd like to know. The other problems are that i'm billed despondent or vague on purpose, as an abused child I learned to make light of tragedy, it's my defense mechanism. So is it me? While making this decision, my most embarrassing fact about me is that basically I'll technically still be virgin. Did I mention I'm going to be thirty? It's sad on a cracker. I just never thought what it takes, hell, I still don't. But it's cool with me. And what I wonder most is will this go on forever? It feels like We (my sis and I.) work so hard to show what we aren't, but secretly worry the other thinks this about us, We show our worst selves. And as I have said I am a very private person, I suppose because puberty happened a little late, but why must people violate one small request. This is what pisses me off, "my Trigger: " and it's like they do it on purpose. Than am I still the narcissist?
You leave. There is NO dealing with this sort of person. And seek counseling for yourself ASAP.
Get out of there! You can't change them, so I move on to more sane people.
Opinion This is definitely going to be a difficult task. Narcissist believe they are perfectly fine and always right. To them it's never their fault always somebody else's. This is why I say it will be difficult because they are stubborn and won't change. Either you ignore them totally or completely remove yourself from the situation. They lack a conscience and empathy. Be very careful. Opinion You will need to exercise a lot of self control, let a lot of things pass and just focus on your own job. Narcissists are very hard to deal with especially on a regular basis. People with NPD are envious and competitive. They cannot admit when they're wrong. They think they are superior to and know more than everyone else. They brag about their imagined accomplishments and criticize everyone else. They are hypersensitive to any criticism, even friendly and constructive suggestions, and usually have anger management problems. They cannot appreciate the viewpoints of others. It is important that you learn some techniques on how to put up with a narsissistic co-worker so they won't ruin your own work experience or cause you to get into any trouble with management. HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST: . be practical . keep your distance and stay alert to what they are doing and saying . define some limits- by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it . avoid conflict . do not try to argue or reason with them- they will not listen- your winning or your convincing argument is counter to their world view . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible . give practical support only when asked
You should educate yourself about the problem and consult with a specialist to determine if your teen's behavior rises to a disorder. Professional help may be most effective, if effective at all, while your teen is still young. There are dozens of good websites sponsored by well known hospitals and other respected institutions that sponsor web pages devoted to narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. If you have a good understanding of narcissism you will have the knowledge to deal with it more constructively. Here are a few pointers: keep your distance- don't get too close and do not let them into your personal life . be practical about the disorder- you may not be able to change them so step back whenever their narcissistic behavior rises to the surface . avoid conflict generally, but . define some limits- in some cases by not responding to inappropriate behavior you reinforce it- for example: if you must have continued exposure to the narcissist do not allow him/her to "tell you off", raise their voice at you, or treat you with disrespect . do not try to argue or reason with them- your winning or convincing is counter to their world view- they will not allow it . gain more understanding to enable you to work as constructively as possible . give practical support when and if they ask for it . see related link .